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Q & A (part 1) MORE WINE FACTS
WINE QUOTES If all be true that I do think, "Penicillin cures, but wine makes people
happy." --- Alexander Fleming (1881-1955), the Scottish bacteriologist
credited with discovering Penicillin in 1928. "Wine is the most civilized thing in the
world." --- Ernest Hemingway. "Wine improves with age. The older I get,
the better I like it." --- Anonymous "Beer is made by men, wine by God!" ---
Martin Luther "Drinking good wine with good food in good
company is one of life's most civilized pleasures."--- Michael Broadbent "Wine makes daily living easier, less
hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance." --- Benjamin Franklin [at his first sip of champagne] "Come
quickly! I am tasting stars!" --- Dom Perignon "Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar,
but the best improve with age." --- Pope John XXIII "Alonso of Aragon was wont to say in
commendation of age, that 'age appears to be best in four things - old wood
best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to
read.'" --- Francis Bacon, 1624 "I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it
to the food." --- W. C. Fields "Wine is life." --- Petronius, Roman
writer "He who aspires to be a serious wine
drinker must drink claret." (“claret” is the British term for red Bordeaux)
--- Samuel Johnson "Nothing makes the future look so rosy as
to contemplate it through a glass of Chambertin." --- Napoleon "No nation is drunken where wine is cheap,
and none sober where the dearness of wine substitutes ardent spirits as the
common beverage." --- Thomas Jefferson "Gentlemen, in the little moment that
remains to us between the crisis and the catastrophe, we may as well drink a
glass of Champagne." --- Paul Claudel "Clearly, the pleasures wines afford are
transitory – but so are those of the ballet, or of a musical performance.
Wine is inspiring and adds greatly to the joy of living." --- Napoleon "Wine cheers the sad, revives the old,
inspires the young, makes weariness forget his toil." --- Lord Byron "I love everything that’s old: old
friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine." --- Oliver Goldsmith,
She Stoops to Conquer "Wine … offers a greater range for
enjoyment and appreciation than possibly any other purely sensory thing
which may be purchased." --- Ernest Hemingway "My only regret in life is that I did not
drink more Champagne." --- John Maynard Keynes "[Making wine] is like having children;
you love them all, but boy, are they different." --- Bunny Finkelstein (
co-owner of Judd’s Hill Winery) "Wine brings to light the hidden secrets
of the soul, gives being to our hopes, bids the coward flight, drives dull
care away, and teaches new means for the accomplishment of our wishes." ---
Horace "And wine can of their wits the wise
beguile, make the sage frolic, and the serious smile." --- Alexander Pope "A bottle of wine begs to be shared; I
have never met a miserly wine lover." --- Clifton Fadiman When it comes to wine, I tell people to
throw away the vintage charts and invest in a corkscrew. The best way to
learn about wine is the drinking. --- Alexis Lichine "If food is the body of good living, wine
is its soul." --- Clifton Fadiman "And Noah began to be a husbandman, and he
planted a vineyard." --- Genesis 9:20 "So life’s year begins and
closes; "A bottle of good wine, like a good act,
shines ever in the retrospect" --- Robert Louis Stevenson The first written reference to Champagne
was English, not French! In 1676, Etherege wrote in praise of “sparkling
Champagne” which “Quickly recovers / Poor laughing lovers, / Makes us frolic
and gay, / and drowns all our sorrows.” The use of the adjective “sparkling”
implies that some time prior to this the wines of the Champagne district
were not necessarily sparkling. "I have enjoyed great health at a great
age because everyday since I can remember, I have consumed a bottle of wine
except when I have not felt well. Then I have consumed two bottles." ---
Attributed to a Bishop of Seville "The wine-cup is the little
silver well, "It takes a lot of beer to make good
wine." --- Lou Preston, Preston Vineyards "I serve your Beaune to my friends, but
your Volnay I keep for myself." --- Voltaire When asked whether he ever confused a
Bordeaux with a Burgundy in a blind tasting, British wine legend Harry Waugh
replied: "Not since lunch." "Within the bottle’s depths, the wine’s
soul sang one night. --- Charles Baudelaire, French poet and critic "My dear girl, there are some things that
are just not done, such as drinking Dom Perignon ‘53 above the temperature
of 38° Fahrenheit." --- James Bond in Ian Fleming’s Goldfinger "Wine rejoices the heart of man and joy is
the mother of all virtues" --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1771 "Wine is at the head of all medicines;
where wine is lacking, drugs are necessary." - Babylonian Talmud: Baba
Bathra "Forsake not an old friend; for the new is
not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou
shalt drink it with pleasure." --- Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 9:10 "During one of my treks through
Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and
water for several days." --- Cuthbert J. Twillie (W.C. Fields) in My
Little Chickadee, 1940 A man, fallen on hard times, sold his art
collection but kept his wine cellar. When asked why he did not sell his
wine, he said, “A man can live without art, but not without culture.” ---
Anonymous “I can certainly see you know your wine.
Most of the guests who stay here wouldn’t know the difference between
Bordeaux and Claret.” --- Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in Fawlty Towers
[“Claret” is an English term for red Bordeaux.] “We could in the United States make as
great a variety of wines as are made in Europe, not exactly of the same
kinds, but doubtless as good.” --- Thomas Jefferson “Wine makes daily living easier, less
hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance." --- Attributed to Benjamin
Franklin “In the order named, these are the hardest
to control: Wine, Women, and Song.” --- Franklin P. Adams, The Ancient
Three. Dictionary of Quotations, Bergen Evans, 1968. Bessie Braddock, a well-known socialist in
England, attended a dinner party at which she was seated next to Winston
Churchill who had had quite a bit to drink. She said to him, “Winston, you
are drunk!” He replied, “Madame, I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and
tomorrow I will be sober.”
“Never buy the cheapest wine in any
category, as its taste may discourage you from going on. The glass, corks,
cartons, and labor are about the same for any wine, as are the ocean
freight and taxes for imported wines. Consequently, if you spend a little
more, you are likely to get a better wine, because the other costs remain
fixed. Cheap wine will always be too expensive.” --- Alex Bespaloff, New
Signet Book of Wine, 1986
Before leaving home to serve a one year jail
sentence, a “white collar” criminal was quoted as saying, “I’m not worried
about the reds; they’ll keep OK. But I am worried about the whites.” ---
Anonymous.
“The peoples of the Mediterranean began to
emerge from barbarism when they learnt to cultivate the olive and the
vine.” --- Thucydides, Greek Historian, 5th century BCE.
“The last time that I trusted a dame was in
Paris in 1940. She was going out to get a bottle of wine. Two hours later,
the Germans marched into France.” --- Sam Diamond in Murder by Death
(1976)
The importance of wine shows up early in the
Bible: “And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard.” ---
Genesis 9:20.
“I made a mental note to watch which bottle became empty soonest, sometimes a
more telling evaluation system than any other." --- Gerald Asher, On Wine, 1982 "Anyone who tries to make you believe that he knows all about wines is
obviously a fake.” ---
Leon
Adams, The
Commonsense Book of Wine
“Premier Cru” vineyards in Burgundy are those that
are considered significantly better than the basic village wines. These
vineyards are generally better situated in terms of slope, direction,and soil.
Their wines get riper and give wines of greater character and depth.
“No man also having drunk old wine straightway desireth new: for
he saith, ‘The old is better.’” --- Luke 5:39
“This
wine is too good for toast-drinking, my dear. You don’t want to mix emotions up
with a wine like that. You lose the taste.” --- Count Mippipopolous in
The Sun Also Rises, 1926, by Ernest Hemingway
“What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?” --- Larson E.
Whipsnade (W.C. Fields), You Can’t Cheat
an Honest Man (1939)
“Great news!” she said after speaking
to our doctor. “I have it on the highest medical authority that you will
still be alive in 10 years! You know what this means?” she asked. “Of
course I know what it means,” I replied. “It means we don’t have to drink
up all our 1985 and 1986 Château Latour at supper tonight for fear I might die
with several outrageously priced wines undrunk. For the first time in years, we
can go to bed sober.” --- based on Russell Baker, New York Times, 12
May 1990.
“Wine
is a living liquid containing no preservatives. Its life cycle comprises youth,
maturity, old age, and death. When not treated with reasonable respect it will
sicken and die.” --- Attributed to the late Julia Child.
Filmmaker and winemaker Francis Ford Coppola says,
“The two professions are almost the same. Each depends on source material and
takes a lot of time to perfect. The big difference is that today’s winemakers
still worry about quality.”
Hardly
did it appear, than from my mouth it passed into my heart.” -- Abbe de
Challieu, 1715, upon first tasting Champagne.
“Between 5/22/85 and 5/4/88, the French writer Jean-Paul Kauffmann was
held chained and often blindfolded in a Beirut basement [by a] Shiite Muslim
fundamentalist group. A lover of Bordeaux, Mr. Kauffmann recited daily the list
of the 61 greatest chateaux drawn up in 1855. He strove to conjure up the aroma
of a Chateau Margaux or a Leoville-Poyferre. Occasionally a small miracle would
occur, and the scent of black currants and plum would permeate the dusty heat
of Lebanon.” --- Roger Cohen, “Ways of Doing Time,” New York Times,
5/4/97.
“I know never to take a wine for granted. Drawing a
cork is like attendance at a concert or at a play that one knows well, when
there is all the uncertainty of no two performances ever being quite the same.
That is why the French say, ‘There are no good wines, only good
bottles.’” --- Gerald Asher, On Wine, 1982.
“When men drink, then they are rich and successful and win lawsuits and are happy and
help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my
mind and say something clever.” --- Aristophanes, The Knights, 424 B.
C. E.
“She gets to keep the chalet and the Rolls, I want
the Montrachet.” --- Anonymous,
Forbes Magazine, May 6, 1996.
“One
should write not unskillfully in the running hand, be able to sing in a
pleasing voice, and keep good time to music; and, lastly, a man should not
refuse a little wine when it is pressed upon him.” --- Yoshida Kenko,
Essays in Idleness, c. 1340
“Before
I was born my mother was in great agony of spirit and in a tragic situation. She
could take no food except iced oysters and champagne. If people ask me when I
began to dance, I reply ‘In my mother’s womb, probably as a result of the
oysters and Champagne.’” ---
Attributed to Isadora Duncan
“Wine
makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say it makes him more
pleasing to others.” --- Samuel Johnson, April 28, 1778 “That winter two things happened which made me see that the world, the
flesh, and the devil were going to be more powerful influences in my life
after all than the chapel bell. First,
I tasted champagne; second, the theater.” --- Belle Livingstone “We
may lay in a stock of pleasures as we would lay in a stock of wine, but if
we defer tasting them too long, we shall find that both are soured by
age.” -- Charles Caleb Colton Presenting
the cork is wine nonsense, a ritual invented by captains and sommeliers.
The wine snob doesn’t resent ritual. There is infinite ritual in the
etiquette of serving wine. But most of it at least hints at style or
purpose. Placing an unsightly cork on the tablecloth hints at absurdity.
--- The Official Guide to Wine Snobbery, Leonard S. Bernstein,
1982. “There are many wines that taste great, but do not
drink well.” --- Michael Broadbent. In response to a waiter who had offered him a Bromo Seltzer for a
hangover, “Ye Gads, no! I couldn’t stand the noise.” --- W.C. Fields
“Twas Noah who first planted the vine
“In victory, you deserve champagne; in defeat, you need it.” --- Many sources, including Kevin
Zraly, Windows on the
World Complete Wine Course, 1997.
"Clearly,
the pleasures wines afford are transitory, but so are those of the ballet
or of a musical performance. Wine
is inspiring and adds greatly to the joy of living.” ---
Napoleon
“A [restaurant] wine list is praised and given awards for reasons that
have little to do with its real purpose, as if it existed only to be
admired passively, like a stamp collection. A wine list is good only when
it functions well in tandem with a menu.” ---
Gerald Asher
“Writing
in my sixty-fourth year, I can truthfully say that since I reached the age
of discretion I have consistently drunk more than most people would say is
good for me. Nor did I regret it. Wine has been for me a firm friend and a
wise counselor. Often...wine has shown me matters in their true
perspective, and has, as though by the touch of a magic wand, reduced
great disasters to small inconveniences. Wine has lit up for me the pages
of literature and revealed in life romance lurking in the commonplace.
Wine has made me bold but not foolish; has induced me to say silly things
but not to do them.” ---
Duff Cooper, Old Men Forget.
"He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle, and herb for the service of
man: that he may bring forth food out of the earth; And wine that maketh
glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine, and bread which
strengtheneth man’s heart."
--- Psalms 104:14-15
“A
man will be eloquent if you give him good wine.” --- Ralph Waldo
Emerson, Representative Man
"It seems to me that there are three things that have changed in the
wine world. First, the wine rich got richer and the wine poor got poorer.
By which I mean that wine prices have polarized beyond belief. Twenty
years ago I drank the greatest wines of the world all the time. (I was a
wine merchant and a restaurateur, and it was my job, darn it.)" ---
the late Lee Evans of Australia, 1996.
"Wine experts can’t resist making predictions. In
1990, wine lover Richard Nixon prophesied that the Chinese would someday
match the French in the quality of their wines; this despite a Chinese
carte des vins that featured sweet red wine and a grape called Cow’s
Nipple. In the mid-1980s, a well-known New York wine merchant asserted
that an $8 Cabernet from Chile was as good as Lafite, and auction prices
would eventually reflect this little-known fact. Wine coolers too, as I
recall, were expected to expose a vast new market to the pleasures of wine
drinking. The coolers bombed, [a nice bottle of Lafite will set you back
$250 or more], and Chilean cabernet is still mostly eight bucks." ---
Stephen Tanzer, Forbes, May 6, 1996
“Hemingway
is great in that alone of living writers he has saturated his work with
the memory of physical pleasure, with sunshine and salt water, with food,
wine and making love and the remorse which is the shadow of that sun.”
--- Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave, 1951.
"Clearly, the pleasures wines afford are transitory,
but so are those of the ballet or of a musical performance. Wine is
inspiring and adds greatly to the joy of living." --- Napoleon
On drinking the wines of Bordeaux: “The French drink them
young, so a Socialist government won’t take them. The English drink them
old, so they can show their friends cobwebs and dusty bottles. The
American drink them exactly when they are ready, because they don’t know
any better.” --- Anonymous
"For
in the hand of the Lord there is a cup, and the wine is red." ---
Psalms 75:8
Making good wine is a skill; making fine wine is an art.
--- Robert Mondavi
"I
was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink; that’s
the one thing I’m indebted to her for." --- W. C. Fields in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
“There is nothing like wine for conjuring up feelings
of contentment and goodwill. It is less of a drink than an experience, an
evocation, a spirit. It produces sensations that defy description.” ---
Thomas Conklin, Wine: A Primer
"I am certain that the good Lord never intended grapes to be
made into grape jelly." --- Attributed to Fiorello La Guardia, former
mayor of New York City
"When it comes to wine, I tell people to throw away the vintage
charts and invest in a corkscrew. The best way to learn about wine is the
drinking." --- Alexis Lichine.
An urbane, middle-aged acquaintance who has discovered fine wine, is
hurrying to make up for lost time. He wants to know everything before the
sun sets today. “What periodicals should I buy?” he asks, reeling off
a prospective subscription list that would drown the Library of Congress.
My acquaintance, who perhaps does not yet fully appreciate what he is up
against, easily gets to the bottom of his wine glass, but he will never
get to the bottom of what there is to know about wine. --- Howard G.
Goldberg, NY Times, October 7, 1987.
“And I heard a voice in the midst of the four
beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley
for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.” ---
Revelation 6:6. "In Europe we thought of wine as something as
healthy and normal as food and also a great giver of happiness and well
being and delight. Drinking wine was not a snobbism nor a sign of
sophistication nor a cult; it was as natural as eating and to me as
necessary." --- Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast.
"Champagne,
if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It
encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are
only a challenge to tell lies successfully." --- Graham Greene
"The
wines that one remembers best are not necessarily the finest that one has
tasted, and the highest quality may fail to delight so much as some far
more humble beverage drunk in more favorable surroundings." ---
H. Warner Allen, A Contemplation of Wine.
"A
typical wine writer was once described as someone with a typewriter who
was looking for his name in print, a free lunch, and a way to write off
his wine cellar. It’s a dated view. Wine writers now use computers."
--- Frank Prial, The New York Times, January 21, 1998.
"Wine is the blood of France." --- Louis Bertall, La Vigne, 1878
Wine History: Baron James Rothschild sent the famous composer
Rossini (The Barber of Seville, William Tell, etc.) some splendid grapes
from his hothouse. Rossini, in thanking him, wrote, “Although your
grapes are superb, I don’t like my wine in capsules.” Rothschild read
this as an invitation to send him some of his celebrated Chateau-Lafite,
which he did. --- Lillie de Hergermann-Lindencrone, In
the Courts of Memory.
"Before Noah, men having only water to drink, could not
find the truth. Accordingly they became abominably wicked, and they were
justly exterminated by the water they loved to drink. This good man, Noah,
having seen that all his contemporaries had perished by this unpleasant
drink, took a dislike to it; and G-d, to relieve his dryness, created the
vine and revealed to him the art of making wine. By the aid of this
liquid, he revealed more and more truth." --- Attributed to Benjamin
Franklin in Bottled Wisdom, compiled and edited by Mark Pollman,
1998
"He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants
for man to cultivate - bringing forth food from the earth: wine that makes
glad the heart of man." --- Psalms 104:14
"This wine should be eaten, for it is much too good to be drunk." ---
Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) "And
in this mountain shall the Lord of Hosts make unto all people a feast of
fat things full of marrow, of wines on the lees well refined." ---
Isaiah 25:6
“Mr. Tulkinghorn sits at
one of the open windows, enjoying a bottle of old port. Though a
hard-grained man, close, dry, and silent, he can enjoy old wine with the
best. He has a priceless bin of port in some artful cellar under the
Fields, which is one of his many secrets. When he dines alone in chambers,
as he has dined today, and has his bit of fish and his steak or chicken
brought in from the coffeehouse, he descends with a candle to the echoing
regions below the deserted mansion, and, heralded by the remote
reverberation of thundering doors, comes gravely back, encircled by an
earthy atmosphere and carrying a bottle from which he pours a radiant
nectar, two score and ten years old, that blushes in the glass to find
itself so famous, and fills the whole room with the fragrance of southern
grapes.” --- Charles Dickens, Bleak House.
"Let us have wine and women, mirth and
laughter, Take counsel in wine, but resolve afterwards in
water." --- Benjamin Franklin, Poor
Richard’s Almanac. "All wine associations are with occasions when
people are at their best; with relaxation, contentment, leisurely meals,
and the free flow of ideas." --- Hugh Johnson "There are no standards of taste in wine, cigars,
poetry, prose, etc. Each man's own taste is the standard, and a majority
vote cannot decide for him or in any slightest degree affect the supremacy
of his own standard." --- Mark Twain, 1895 "Wine rejoices the heart of man, and joy is the mother of all virtues." --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1771 “De gustibus non est disputandum (There is no disputing matters of
taste.)” An elderly wine lover was badly
injured in a railway collision. Some wine was poured on his lips to
revive him. "Pauillac, 1873," he murmured and died. ---
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), The "Forsake not an old
friend, for the new is not comparable unto him. A new friend is as new
wine: when it is old thou shalt drink it with pleasure." --- Isaiah
9.10 "Wine cheers the sad,
revives the old, inspires the young, makes weariness forget his
toil." --- Lord Byron "Food and wine. Decide which is the
soloist, which the accompanist." --- Michael Broadbent "Mixing one's wines may be a
mistake, but old and new wisdom mix admirably." --- Bertolt Brecht, The
Caucasian Chalk Circle, 1944 "Name me any liquid except our own
blood that flows more intimately and incessantly through the labyrinth of
symbols we have conceived to make our status as human beings, from the
rudest peasant festival to the mystery of the Eucharist. To take wine into
our mouths is to savor a droplet of the river of human history." ---
Clifton Fadiman, NY Times, 3/8/87 "A woman drove me to drink, and I'll
be a son-of-a-gun but I never even wrote to thank her." --- W. C.
Fields, in Hollywood Merry-Go-Round, 1947 "If penicillin can cure
those that are ill, Spanish Sherry can bring the dead back to life."
--- Attributed to Sir Alexander Fleming. "There are many ways to
the recognition of truth, and Burgundy is one of them." --- Isak
Dinesen As one California
winemaker said, "We release no wine before the bank tells us that its
ready." --- Kevin Zraly, Windows on the World Complete Wine Course,
1997 Readers often
wonder what the difference is between an 86 and an 87, both very good
wines. The only answer I can give is a simple one: when tasted side by
side, I thought the 87-point wine slightly better than the 86-point wine.
--- Robert Parker, Bordeaux, 1989 Wine drunken with moderation
is the joy of the soul and the heart. --- Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 31:36 Just use a little
red wine; it will get that club soda stain right out of there --- About
Last Night To buy good wine and
not look after it properly is like not polishing your Rolls-Royce. ---
Hugh Johnson Drink wine, drink poetry,
drink virtue. --- Charles Baudelaire. "Without question,
the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you
that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly
as well with pizza." --- Dave Barry To pontificate,
to let opinions rule your appreciation of wine and to be unable to feel,
as the candles glitter and the moon rises on a warm summer night, that the
wine on the table, however unsung and lacking in renown, is, for that
short moment, perfection itself, is to miss the whole heart of wine and of
life too. --- Quoted in Wine Quotations, Helen Exley, 1994 A meal without wine
is like a life without love. --- Anonymous Some
people spend the day in complaining of a headache, and the night in
drinking the wine that gives it. --- Attributed to Johan Wolfgang von
Goethe Wine snobbery,
of course, is part showmanship, part sophistication, part knowledge, and
part bluff --- Leonard Bernstein A man cannot
make him laugh, but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine. --- Shakespeare, Henry
IV Part 2 "I
can certainly see you know your wine. Most of the guests who stay here
wouldn’t know the difference between Bordeaux and Claret." ---
Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in Fawlty Towers. Wine is made to
be drunk as women are made to be loved; profit by the freshness of youth
or the splendor of maturity; do not await decrepitude. --- Theophile
Malvezin He who loves
not wine, women, and song remains a fool his whole life long. --- often
attributed to Martin Luther; probably Johann Heinrich Voss. Never
say the number because it suggest that you are unable to pronounce the
name of the wine you are ordering. --- Stephen Potter, One Upsmanship "Remember, gentlemen, it’s not just France we are
fighting for, it’s Champagne!" --- Winston Churchill. Drink wine, and live here blitheful while ye
may; "Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!" --- Two-Face in Batman Forever (1995) "This wine is too good for toast-drinking, my dear. You don’t want to mix emotions up with a wine like that. You lose the taste." --- Count Mippipopolous in The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway (1926) "Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right." --- Mark Twain "I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often, but I’m well preserved." --- Rose Kennedy on her 100th birthday in 1991 "What is better adapted than the festive use of wine in the first place to test and in the second place to train the character of a man, if care be taken in the use of it? What is there cheaper or more innocent?" --- Plato "I loved the [story] about how a great wine connoisseur invited the composer Johannes Brahms to dinner. ‘This is the Brahms of my cellar,’ he said to his guests, producing a dust-covered bottle and pouring some into the master’s glass. Brahms looked first at the color of the wine, then sniffed its bouquet, finally took a sip, and put the glass down without saying a word. ‘Don’t you like it?’ asked the host. ‘Hmmmm,’ Brahms muttered. ‘Better bring out your Beethoven!’" --- Arthur Rubinstein, the great classical pianist, My Young Years LIFE QUOTES, QUESTIONS, AND CLASSIC INSULTS
“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.” --- Winston Churchill “Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” --- Anonymous “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.” “If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.” --- Anonymous “If you don’t think too good, don’t think too much.” --- attributed to Ted Williams by Tom & Ray Magliozzi of Car Talk. What if there were no hypothetical questions? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” --- Spike Milligan If quizes are quizzical, what are tests? “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.” --- Steven Wright In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works. “Borrow money from pessimists - they don’t expect it back.” --- Stephen Wright Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. --- Murphy’s Other Laws Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you try first? New Law: The Law of Coffee states that as soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. “I had a rose named after me, and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt "By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher." --- Socrates Life Question: Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Life Question: How is it possible to have a civil war? Life Question: Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over? "Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first." --- Ronald Reagan If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. --- Zen Sarcasm The Law of Cell Phones: The louder the phone voice, the duller the conversation. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. --- Steven Wright We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. --- Will Rogers If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
The Buffalo Theory of Drinking: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and
when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by
the culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can
only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of
alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But it naturally attacks the slowest
and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers. Classic Insult: In an exchange between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor, she said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He replied, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” Classic Insult: A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” Classic Insult: “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” --- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” --- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) Classic Insult: "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." --- Abraham Lincoln “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow Classic Insult: “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” --- Winston Churchill Classic Insult: “A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” - Winston Churchill The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. - Zen Sarcasm Classic Insult: "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving." --- Zen Sarcasm The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. --- Zen Sarcasm Classic Insult: “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” --- Billy Wilder Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. --- Zen Sarcasm "If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something." --- Steven Wright Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things. --- Margaret Mead Classic Insult: I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. --- Mark Twain Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. --- Anonymous Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. - Zen Sarcasm Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. --- Zen Sarcasm No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. --- Zen Sarcasm Wrightism: 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. --- Will Rogers Zen Sarcasm: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Zen Sarcasm: Some days you're the windshield; some days you're the bug. I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. --- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Definition: Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! --- Anonymous Trading Insults: "I am enclosing
two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have
one." --- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things. --- Margaret Mead, anthropologist Classic Insult: They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. --- Thomas Brackett Reed What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments but what is woven into the lives of others. --- Pericles, (Greek politician, general, and statesman, 495 BCE - 429 BCE) Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death --- Albert Einstein Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. --- James Dean, 1931-1955 Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. --- Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900 "No one ever became poor from giving." "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." --- Anneliese Marie Frank (Anne Frank) who would have turned 82 years old June 12th, 2011. Wright-ism: If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. --- Zen Sarcasm Classic Insult: "He uses statistics as drunken men use lamp-posts. For support rather than illumination." --- Andrew Lang (Scot poet, novelist, literary critic, anthropologist, collector of folk and fairy tales, and writer of historical figures, mythology, and religion; 1844-1912) Wright-ism: The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. "Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." --- John W. Gardner "The difference between school and life? In school you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson." --- Tom Bodett "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." --- Maria Robinson Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? --- A. A. Milne, English author and playwright best known for his Winne-the-Pooh books, 1882-1956
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